This is so beautiful, Archer. Your ability to honestly self-reflect and articulate your feelings touched me deeply. There’s much here about how adults misunderstand how to hold grief. I am so glad you found your pointer when you needed it.
Very beautiful. I was an adult, only a handful of years older than you are now, when my mom died. But I realize I handled it the way you did. But without a Pointer. I think groups like that make me feel even more isolated because they do actually help people. And I don’t at all understand or relate to that, since it’s not the sort of thing that would help me. I’ve only recently, pushing 40, started to occasionally even think about testing that hypothesis when it comes to my comfort zone and what I know wont help so why bother. Sometimes the help is in something other than planned curriculum or group convo. It might be a connection you make or a realization you have or even something beautiful or awful someone else says that just sticks with you. Idk. It’s still hard to do.
I think people hold a certain expectation when it comes to recovery, like there's some sort of specific way of getting better from something. I think it may work for some, but for many of us I feel just makes things worse. Grief isn't some sort of illness, it's not anything you need to "get better" from. And I agree with you, I think whatever helps you grapple with your grief is something that comes on its own, when you most need it. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Extraordinary writing and beautiful reminder of how grief is tricky and grief groups are trickier and making sense of the WHY is brutally complicated. Thank you for sharing the feels you felt and reminding us the how amazing the kindness of strangers can be when you least expect it. Hopefully we all get the gift of a “pointer” in our lives.
Thank you for your support! I agree, all of it is never easy to cope with or to even understand. I know that we can all find a Pointer in our lives, and hopefully be a Pointer in others too.
Thank you for sharing. We all have to find our way… I wish more people understood it’s so incredibly different for each human bean [sic]. Here’s to Archer and Pointer (a perfect combo of names 💛)
When my dad had aged to the point of nearing the end of his life I was there to keep him alive and comfortable. Entertained. Mentally challenged to keep his brain thinking. That was my job. Near the end I was so angry with his doctor that she wasn't working hard enough to help me. She said to me, "You need to come to terms with the fact that this battle you are fighting? This war? You are going to lose. You were always going to lose." Harsh? Yes. What I needed to hear? Yes. I wasn't winning, and I felt guilty and ashamed that I wasn't winning. My dad wasn't winning and it was my fault. Understanding, finally, that the ending was always going to be his death were the wisest words I had heard in years. And I was so thankful she was brave enough to speak them to me. I appreciate your writing so much. Than you for sharing this piece and the wise words in it. Being brave enough to speak with such honesty is easing someone else's conflicted mind today. I am sure of it. ❤️
Yes, I feel the important thing to understand is that it isn't your fault, and never was. Your dad is lucky to have someone in his life like you, willing to fight for him and help him through the twilight years of his life. I have to say then, that I disagree with your doctor. I believe that you did win the war-- you took care of him all the way through to the end, and that's a victory. We will always lose the fight against death, that's a given, but the war we fight I feel is the life we live before it, and with your father, you won.
Grief is a personal and individual emotion . It ebbs and flows. Like a sneeze, one never knows when grief and those feelings of loss and sadness will bubble up. Thank you Archer for this very poignant story ❤️
I really enjoyed reading this. You are wise beyond your years. I lost my mom to cancer and grief is such an individual experience. We all should deal with it the way that works for us. Glad you found Pointer. Do u still keep in touch?
Thank you very much, I'm glad that you've liked the piece. Pointer and I no longer keep in touch, unfortunately I never spoke to him again after I left middle school. I never had his contact and I guess because I was so young I didn't feel that it was really appropriate. I'm sorry for your loss, and I feel the same that we all have our own ways that best help us grieve, I hope you've been able to find what's right for you!
This is so beautiful, Archer. Your ability to honestly self-reflect and articulate your feelings touched me deeply. There’s much here about how adults misunderstand how to hold grief. I am so glad you found your pointer when you needed it.
I appreciate you, thank you
Very beautiful. I was an adult, only a handful of years older than you are now, when my mom died. But I realize I handled it the way you did. But without a Pointer. I think groups like that make me feel even more isolated because they do actually help people. And I don’t at all understand or relate to that, since it’s not the sort of thing that would help me. I’ve only recently, pushing 40, started to occasionally even think about testing that hypothesis when it comes to my comfort zone and what I know wont help so why bother. Sometimes the help is in something other than planned curriculum or group convo. It might be a connection you make or a realization you have or even something beautiful or awful someone else says that just sticks with you. Idk. It’s still hard to do.
I think people hold a certain expectation when it comes to recovery, like there's some sort of specific way of getting better from something. I think it may work for some, but for many of us I feel just makes things worse. Grief isn't some sort of illness, it's not anything you need to "get better" from. And I agree with you, I think whatever helps you grapple with your grief is something that comes on its own, when you most need it. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Extraordinary writing and beautiful reminder of how grief is tricky and grief groups are trickier and making sense of the WHY is brutally complicated. Thank you for sharing the feels you felt and reminding us the how amazing the kindness of strangers can be when you least expect it. Hopefully we all get the gift of a “pointer” in our lives.
Thank you for your support! I agree, all of it is never easy to cope with or to even understand. I know that we can all find a Pointer in our lives, and hopefully be a Pointer in others too.
Thank you for sharing. We all have to find our way… I wish more people understood it’s so incredibly different for each human bean [sic]. Here’s to Archer and Pointer (a perfect combo of names 💛)
I agree with you, we all have our own ways of doing things, at our own paces. I appreciate your support, thank you very much!
When my dad had aged to the point of nearing the end of his life I was there to keep him alive and comfortable. Entertained. Mentally challenged to keep his brain thinking. That was my job. Near the end I was so angry with his doctor that she wasn't working hard enough to help me. She said to me, "You need to come to terms with the fact that this battle you are fighting? This war? You are going to lose. You were always going to lose." Harsh? Yes. What I needed to hear? Yes. I wasn't winning, and I felt guilty and ashamed that I wasn't winning. My dad wasn't winning and it was my fault. Understanding, finally, that the ending was always going to be his death were the wisest words I had heard in years. And I was so thankful she was brave enough to speak them to me. I appreciate your writing so much. Than you for sharing this piece and the wise words in it. Being brave enough to speak with such honesty is easing someone else's conflicted mind today. I am sure of it. ❤️
Yes, I feel the important thing to understand is that it isn't your fault, and never was. Your dad is lucky to have someone in his life like you, willing to fight for him and help him through the twilight years of his life. I have to say then, that I disagree with your doctor. I believe that you did win the war-- you took care of him all the way through to the end, and that's a victory. We will always lose the fight against death, that's a given, but the war we fight I feel is the life we live before it, and with your father, you won.
With time and reflection, I found this to be true. I thank you for the reminder, dear! 🌟
Archer this is beautiful. Thank you for sharing yourself…xx
This means a lot, thank you for viewing, I hope you've been doing well!
Grief is a personal and individual emotion . It ebbs and flows. Like a sneeze, one never knows when grief and those feelings of loss and sadness will bubble up. Thank you Archer for this very poignant story ❤️
Thank you for your kind words and support! Much love to you
Very beautiful.
I appreciate you reading! It really means a lot :)
I really enjoyed reading this. You are wise beyond your years. I lost my mom to cancer and grief is such an individual experience. We all should deal with it the way that works for us. Glad you found Pointer. Do u still keep in touch?
Thank you very much, I'm glad that you've liked the piece. Pointer and I no longer keep in touch, unfortunately I never spoke to him again after I left middle school. I never had his contact and I guess because I was so young I didn't feel that it was really appropriate. I'm sorry for your loss, and I feel the same that we all have our own ways that best help us grieve, I hope you've been able to find what's right for you!
so beautifully written, well articulated, and vulnerable. I love you man!
I love you man, thank you :)